Saturday, April 11, 2009
11:09 AM

It's so heart-wrenching to know that you can't be with the ones you love anymore, due to certain unforeseen circumstances. I'm missing _______ and ________ and _________ so much.

This year has been like a very steep fall from last, its like when you had everything so good and suddenly it's all taken away from you with a snap. Sure, there were glorious moments this year but those desperate and desolate ones beat those of joy and elation hands down. Call me emo but it doesn't seem all that bad, but I'm not as joyful or happy as I was before. I'm still stuck in a state of confusion, trying to figure out what I'm feeling, what I want in life right now; but bits and pieces dash across my mind and I can't piece them together into one complete whole. I oftentimes feel disappointed in myself, and in the surroundings I am placed in. It is thus frustrating how nothing seems to work out for long enough. One day it's sunny and the weather is fine, and once your hopes are up, to your disappointment, life becomes mundane the next day and so on. Even if I do feel a sheer rush of happiness, which I do admit I have felt at times throughout this year, thank god, it is not long-lasting but a sudden spur of the moment whereby I count myself lucky for. It's so very indefinite and unstable, there's nothing I can base my life on, studies are unlike many of my peers, not my first priority, despite how I'm trying to change that attitude of mine. I just want to be happy and content. The secure feeling deep inside of me which probably did once exist. Knowing that despite whatever that might come my way, I'd still have something to fall on. But now it's so empty. It's not even an illusion.

I was looking back at my collection of the yearly class photos we'd taken from primary one to sec 1. And how I miss those times. (We were very cute come p1/2! :D) I might have hated and condemned in the past, but it sure beats the feelings of lostness drowning me right now. I look to God for answers or certain dashes of inspiration or luck which might spruce life up and get things going again, but so far all I've got is... nothing much. I know I should organize my life as things may get better from there onwards but yet I contemplated giving up since nothing is working. But I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP. Though I can only remain struggling to rise for as much as every ounce of breath I can manage.

What keeps me going are the people whom I love and who love me. They make me happy and keep me emotionally stable. Yet, everything has seemed to become so distant from me this year. It is no longer in my reach for me to grasp. I do not like sec 3 at all. I love 207 so much more, I wish we hadn't changed classes; every single one of the 207-ners I've talked too said that they still miss 207 and that they love 207 more than their current classes. I am too incapable of coping out of my comfort zone. And I don't give a damn anymore, I just want to be back in. Many are coping well I presume, some are not (I fully empathize), I'm fine on the bare minimum but on a deeper level, no.

I am so very upset. I wonder when everything will be happy and right again. Half a year later? Or two years later when I get to junior college and if I meet some nicer people whom I can actually connect with better? Or maybe things will never get better. Nevertheless, I shall continue to wait.

Well, maybe things aren't that bad after all. I mean I still do have my happy times. The problem is 1) something with my self which I'm trying to solve and settle asap

2) the distance I am from the people I like

I hope problem 1) gets solved very soon and problem 2) as well, except everybody's so busy nowadays but I will still try anyway.

I'm not emo anymore so ya don't have to be scared I'm not suicidal or anything.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle

Life is a maze and love is a riddle

I don't know where to go, can't do it alone

I've tried, and I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment

I'm so scared but I don't show it

I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down

I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show

Updates and pictures coming up later!

♥ her royal juiciness.-

♥theRAVER.

Amanda
13.
310594
Gemini
6SY
108
207
ex-SCGSian
Rafflesian
Angklunger cum Photographer(:
i'm a WADDLIAN.
ex-SCGSian
Rafflesian
♥♥♥

♥loves
my iPod.
crowns.
juicy couture.
royalty, like princesses.
fantasy worlds, with castles, like those with secret drawbridges. teeheehee.
pink, and my new sort-of favourite colour or so, ORANGE.
shopping.
camwhoring.
listening to music.
photography.
being a teevee addict.
poetic and meaningful quotes.
nice photos.
going out with frens.
diamonds; rhinestones.
really cute stuff.

♥wishlist.
Grow taller.
New stuff. ALOTofnewstuff.
so many, it cannot be described in words.
Become slimmer.
Pretty stuff.
Good friends.
Better grades.
More space to keep my stuff.
Improve in photography and ~~shaking the angklung~~.

♥letsbeach.
SHER MEEN.
CANDYSTARSUGAR.
AERIN.
AISHYN.
CHARLENE.
ELYSSA.
EDITH.
ILIANA.
JAN OOI.
JOANNE.
JULIA.
DEBBIE.
EUGENIA.
FANN.
LEE WEI.
YUXIAN.
NATASHA.
TESSA.
SU HUI.
DIONE.
CAROLYN.
ETHEL.
LEX.
ANDREA.
6SY 06.
NICO.
VERA.
SHI QI.
GRACE.
JIA YUAN.
HUI QUN.
CHEN YAN.
ANGIE.
NATALIE.
108 07.
NIVI.
IVANA.
LINGZHI.
AARTHI.
NISHA.
SI LING.
ADELINE.
CAT.
AN QI.
STEPHANIA.
SABREENA.
LI KHEE.
NINA.
SHI TIAN.
SHAMAINE.

♥shoutOUT!

♥thoseDAYS.
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009

♥adorables.
♥views.

online ♥thishotskin. Designer: OhSoIntricate-x
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